A Rather Mature Total Drama Fic
by PurpleBandit3000
Summary: This one-shot is rated M for Mature. Obviously, there's no room for little children here. This story contains mature elements that only mature people can comprehend maturely. To be read in a mature manner by someone mature. Contains violence, bad words, and tons of other evil stuff that only mature people know of. Oh, and did I mention that you have to be mature enough to read it?


Total Drama © Fresh TV Inc. & Teletoon

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 **A Rather Mature Total Drama Fic**

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"Okay, guys. Purple Bandit wants to write a mature fic about us to prove that he's mature… or something." Bridgette told the others.

"Yeah. M-Rated fics actually have the opposite effect. Mature fics are full of gross and disgusting crap. It honestly shows how childish you are." Noah said. "I'll stick to my novels, thank you."

"He's not gonna have me make out with Lindsay is he?" Katie asked.

"That'd be hot." Cody said.

"No. It would be weird since they both have the same voice actor." Sadie said.

"Hold up, guys. Will the young kid that thinks they're being a badass please close out of this story?" Leshawna asked. "This is a mature fic and it's only meant for mature people if you didn't get that from the title and summary."

"Yeah, you! You know it's _you_ who I'm referring to. Don't make me tell your parents!" Leshawna threatened.

"Tho… what thould we do to make thith fic rated M?" Beth asked.

"Allow me to answer that question." Courtney said.

The brunette cleared her throat before speaking.

"According to the FanFiction Guidelines, Fiction M contains content suitable for mature teens and older. Anything with an M-Rating is not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 because it has non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language. Fiction M can contain adult language, themes, and suggestions." The CIT said.

"Did you memorize all of that?" DJ asked.

"Yes." Courtney answered.

"Wow. That's just... sad." DJ said.

"Well, what about detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature?" Harold asked.

"That's considered Fiction MA." Courtney said. "It's not allowed on this site.

"Oh. I knew that. Just wanted to clear that up for the readers." Harold said.

"Just have Owen pull down his pants and you have your M-Rated story right there." Izzy said.

"Or, bring back feral Zeke. I'm sure as hell no one wants to read about _him_ being described." Tyler said.

"Nah. We need some bad words." Duncan said.

"Like 'darn', 'poop' and 'oh no'?" DJ asked.

"What? No! Even toddlers use those!"

"Crap, crud, damn, stupid, and retarded?" Cody asked.

"Better. I was thinking more along the lines of shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd, and twat."

"Oh, come on. Only three of those are _actual_ bad words. One of them has another bad word inside of it, one of them's a body part, and two are bodily functions." Gwen said.

"Yeah. Plus you left out 'bitch' and 'bastard'." Eva said.

"One more thing, too. It starts with 'r' and rhymes with 'vape'." Said Duncan.

"We get it. You vape." Cody said.

"Oh, I get it, Runescape!" Harold exclaimed.

"No! He was talking about... unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent." Courtney said. "I'm kinda glad we broke up now, Duncan."

"Hey, nudity is pretty mature, right?" Harold asked. "Heather, can you show your boobs again the same way you showed to to me during that one challenge?"

"No, but I can show you what the inside of a toilet looks like." Heather said.

"Alright. I got it, dudes." Geoff said.

He pulled out a rifle and blasted Beth's head off. Blood splattered everywhere as the now lifeless body slumped to the ground.

"Dude. What the fuck?" Duncan asked.

"Awesome!" Izzy cheered.

"Did you just kill Beth?" Trent asked.

"Yeah." Geoff said.

"Just checking." Said Trent. "Now can you please kill eight more people for a total of nine?"

"Geoff, are you insane!?" Bridgette screamed. "That's it. We are through!"

"Chill, babe. All I did was kill somebody." Geoff said. "She was ugly anyway and none of us really liked her. Plus, this fic's sure to go up to M now that a character's died."

"Actually, no. People dying or even getting brutally murdered isn't enough for a fic to be rated as M." Courtney stated.

"Seriously?" Geoff asked. "So you're telling me that having someone commit murder, which is illegal, is fine, but if you describe sex, which isn't illegal and actually a necessary act for the survival of the human race, then your fic is rated M?"

"Yup." Said Courtney.

"Okay then."

"So _now_ what do we do?" Heather asked. "At sixteen, we're all too underage for sex, despite the fact that Total Drama Island started in 2007 and it's 2017 now yet we apparently haven't aged a bit."

"I blame the producers." Justin said. "Fortunately, I still look as handsome as ever."

"Hey guys! Look at this awesome book I finished reading!"Lindsay said, holding up a copy of 'Twilight'.

"Holy shit! It burns!" Cody exclaimed.

"Yep. How do you not want to tear your eyeballs out of your sockets after reading that crap, Lindsay?" Courtney asked.

"Anything _that_ horrifying must not be witnessed by immature eyes." Heather said.

"Lindsay, you're a genius!" Bridgette said.

"She is?" The others asked.

"I am?" Lindsay asked. "Wow. Thanks, Brenda."

"Yup. Now that 'Twilight' is in this fic, it has to be Rated M." Bridgette said.

"Alright. Mission accomplished, and we didn't have to screw anyone's brains out!" Justin said.

"You can screw my brains out, Justin." Owen said, drooling.

"What? Ew! No! Get away from me." Justin said.

He ran away as Owen gave chase, and a few laughed at the scenario.

"One more thing." Harold said. "Don't follow this fic. It's a ONE-SHOT! There's no point in following it!"

"Well, I think we're done here." Gwen said.

"Oh, and by the way," Duncan said. "The word was 'ra-

 **THE END**

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I wrote my first M-Rated Fic. Look at me! I'm so cool!

The thought to write an M fic crossed my mind, but then I thought to give it a humorous twist since I'm not good with sex scenes.

I like cranking out oneshots from time to time to break the monotony. In fact, I plan to write a LOT more this year.

Either way, hope you liked it. :)


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